Obsession
by the original killerpineapple
Summary: We'll be together soon, my love.'SSLM, sort of.SSST
1. Letters in blood

Disclaimer: I don't own anybody/anything. It's depressing really.

NB: Not for the squeamish. If you don't like blood and gore and murder etc DON'T READ! You have been warned.

Chapter 1:Letters in blood 

"GET OUT!" The mousy first year yelped and scuttled away. Albus felt ashamed but right now he had bigger things to worry about.

The putrid stench of rotting flesh seeped under the door into the potions room. It smelled sickeningly sweet, like burnt chocolate. Asked about it later, the headmaster would be unable to describe it, yet it would stick in his mind for the rest of his life, infiltrating his nostrils in his waking hours and terrorising his sleep.

He placed his hand on the doorknob yet couldn't muster the strength he needed to turn it. He took a clean white handkerchief from his pocket and held it to his nose and mouth, hoping the feeble defence would rescue him from the worst of the callous odour.

He closed his eyes briefly and breathed in his last gasp of clean air before pushing open the door and stepping gingerly into Severus' room.

The smell intensified terribly, causing the old man's eyes to water and hold desperately onto the air fighting it's way out of his labouring lungs. The room was pitch black. Even the moonlight seemed to shy away from the loathsome scene played out before it. Albus fumbled blindly for the light switch, which may have been the most regrettable thing he'd done in his long life.

The light dimly lit the room and rocked back and forth from the thin wire attaching it to the ceiling. Albus gasped, and the air he breathed in caused him to retch emptily into his clean, white hankie. Tears streaked down his haggard face.

Sybil Trelawney's mutilated corpse lay naked on sheets stained red with weeks old blood. She was turned to her side, her legs entwined in the once-white sheets and her arms wrapped weakly round her head, forever preserving the last horror-stricken moments of her life. The stab wounds covered her completely. Her arms were barely recognisable as part of a human and the bones protruded morbidly, like the shattered remains of a dead tree. One of her eyes was gone-God knows where- and the empty socket was filled to the brim with crimson blood, a gory replica of a goblet of red wine.

Albus ran to the bathroom and heaved into the sink, wiping his mouth with a fragile, shivering hand. He walked back into the bedroom and, averting his eyes, noticed a pile of papers lying on Snape's desk. He cautiously walked over and picked the top one from the pile, careful to hold the handkerchief up to his face. It was splashed with blood, and he was filled with revulsion. How had it travelled so far? As he read panic started to well within him. He picked up the next, then the next. They were all addressed to the same person, all carrying the same message, all able to make a persons mind scream in terror and fear. A sane persons mind anyway.

Albus didn't even feel the warm, sticky blade pierce his skin, flesh, bone, nor the calm, even breathe on his neck until he collapsed on the floor, his mouth covered by a blood stained handkerchief. The last thing he saw was the last line of one of these letters, the words remaining ever imprinted on his mind.

_We'll be together soon, my love. _

Please review. If you didn't like it (which I wouldn't expect you to) I did warn you at the beginning not to read so you've only yourself to blame.


	2. Different

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't own any of the characters. I don't own anything.

Review (yes singular.):

Miss Daisy I don't want an ass apple. That was Stephen.

AN: After reading this I read it over and over again and I know that there's something wrong with it, but I can't figure out what. Please help by telling me how I can improve it! I apologise for the use of the word 'faggot'. I'm sorry if I offend anyone and I would never use it myself.

The portrayal of Snape is based on my limited knowledge of the symptoms of Paranoid Personality disorder, Antisocial Personality disorder and Codependency personality disorder. If you know more about it than I do please feel free to correct me and I'll try to put it right.

Chapter 2: Different 

There was nothing wrong with Severus, he was just one of those kids. He was a child with a runny nose and scabby knees, he was a teenager with greasy hair and scars on his wrists, and by adulthood it was too late to save him.

He was 'different'. He drew attention to himself by being quiet and was picked on for being strange. Weird things happened around him. He tripped and fell on a rusty nail, yet by the time the teachers had gotten him to hospital all there was to show for it was a small white scar; a ball narrowly missed his nose by travelling twenty metres into the air and ending up on the roof; Jimmy Charles' finger broke after an hour of prodding him in the back. He said it felt like it was being squeezed, tighter and tighter, until he heard it crack and white pain shot up to his elbow.

He was intelligent, surprising teachers no matter how old he got, yet he couldn't fit in. He didn't understand how. He didn't smile, he didn't cry, if he was told a joke he nodded, to show that he understood why it was funny, yet he didn't laugh. He stayed inside to read instead of joining the others outside. He would read all day if allowed, escaping from his own life.

The other children bullied him constantly. They were just children, and they did what everyone does when they're afraid. A teacher once found him sitting in a dark corner of the playground, alone, his legs drawn up and his head resting on his knees. When she touched his shoulder he flinched and looked up. His nose was bleeding and there was a bruise on his eye. He'd bitten at his lip and there was still blood on his teeth, yet there were no traces of tears on his pale face. She looked into his eyes and she was scared too. But not of him, _for _him. They were amazing, darker than black and seeming to shift under the surface, like a phantom mist. They held none of the innocence the others in the class did. Instead, they carried a sadness too heavy for a child of seven. They screamed in confusion and desperation of a woe too vivid to miss, shouting for help louder than any voice could. She felt tears prick her eyes and looked away.

She helped him inside, cleaned his cuts and sent him home, and that was the extent of the help she gave him. She convinced herself that he'd started a fight. He'd been in fights before and he was always found guilty of being the aggressor. All the kids said so.

He was a troublemaker, and he told lies. He'd once told everybody that his father was helping free slaves in America so he couldn't come to parents evening. Nobody believed him. They all knew that he didn't know his father, that his father didn't want him. Just like everyone else.

Nobody tried to help him until his year four teacher, whom Severus pushed away. Maybe even then it was too late.

bdbdbdbd

The only time he'd felt anything like happiness was when he thought of going to Hogwarts. He was going to be around others like him. He wouldn't be thought of as strange, he wouldn't be bullied. Maybe he'd even have a friend.

When the first day of first year arrived, Severus stood shaking at the back of the Great Hall. He'd never seen so many people in one place at the same time. He felt butterflies dancing around in his stomach. Surely more people meant a bigger chance that someone would like him.

Sadly, it doesn't always work that way. More people just meant more people to dislike you. Severus wouldn't be that naïve again for a very long time.

He got so caught up in his plans to make friends, that he didn't notice that he was already alone. All the first years beside him stood in two's or three's. Survival of the fittest doesn't just apply to animals.

James Potter stood at the centre of a large group. He hadn't wasted any time on becoming well acquainted with his peers. He knew that it was hard to make friends once the popular people point you out as 'different'. He'd done it enough times. However, he also knew how fickle these types of 'friends' were, and he was aware that if he didn't make sure that he was at the top of the social ladder straight away that someone (looking around it seemed that Lucius was a likely bet) would beat him to it.

James crept up behind Severus and sat down on the floor, the rest of the class in silent anticipation. Severus stood still, hooked onto every word the headmaster said.

He watched as most of his year group stepped anxiously to the sorting hat. He didn't hear any of the whispered remarks behind his back. A boy with unruly black hair even smiled at him.

Then came his turn. He started to walk when he was jolted back and there was a moment of weightless confusion before he felt his head knock sharply across the concrete floor. He sat up and stared down at his feet, his shoelaces tied together in a neat bow. He struggled to untie them before stumbling blindly to the sorting hat, warm blood dripping from his nose.

The sorting hat drooped over his eyes and he struggled to keep back tears. He felt coppery blood seep into his mouth when he bit his lip, yet promised that he wouldn't cry. His mother always told him that nobody respects criers. She said that she'd never cried, and everyone respected her. When he was younger he'd believed her, but now he knew that they were just afraid of her. He didn't cry, he couldn't.

Sybil watched as he crashed and burned in a world that had held every hope for him, and she cried instead.

After the sorting hat he was taken straight to the hospital wing, then to bed. No welcome feast for the likes of him.

After that things got worse. By third year he was put into his own room, away from everyone else. The fights were getting more frequent and the injuries more severe. When he walked into a room people already there left; people spat at him in the corridors; a constant torrent of abuse followed him everywhere- Snivellous, anti-christ, greasy git, bastard, prick, Goth, faggot… It never ended.

He fell deeper into depression, and by forth year everyone had seen the deep cuts on his arms. They pushed notes under his door asking if he was still alive or if he'd managed to take the hint and die. They hid razors in his books. They didn't just dislike him. They _hated_ him.

Sybil was different too, but everyone ignored her. She watched Severus and she cried for him when he hurt, because he didn't know how. She'd loved him since the moment she saw him smothering his emotions when he was eleven years old. She loved him when he ignored her, when he used her. She loved him when he killed her.

Sorry if anyone was upset by that. I read it over and I didn't feel anything but a lot of people are more sensitive than me.


	3. Straying from the path

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Ooh! Do you think J.K.Rowling would sell me Snapes brain? Maybe not.

Chapter 3:

_My love_

_I hear you've gotten married. I won't lie. It hurts, but I don't hold it against you. Although I know we're supposed to be together, I accept that you do not yet realise. No worry. You'll find your way back to the path. Then again, I can hardly complain. That would be hypocritical. After all, I've been dating Sybil for almost three months now. Don't fret! I don't love her, no more than you love Narcissa. They're just temporary until we can be together. Narcissa doesn't know you like I do. She couldn't possibly. Sometimes I get that strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, like someone's opened it up and all the good feelings have dropped away, leaving the bad ones to be trapped, as if by an imaginary sieve. When I get those feelings I wonder for a while why I feel like that, then I realise it is because you're sad. I haven't seen you since we left Hogwarts (or at least you haven't seen me), but I know how you feel. I have to go now, I hear Sybil coming. Enjoy Narcissa while you can, but don't forget that I'm here, waiting for you. I always will be. Until next time._

_Severus._

Severus put down his quill and placed the letter on top of the pile in his draw and closed it just before Sybil opened the door and rushed towards him. He held her to him, kissed her lips, felt her hair. She looked up at him with blind adoration in her eyes.

"I love you Sev." He looked back at her and saw Lucius' face infront of his eyes.

"I love you too."

Sorry it took so long to update. Pleeeeeeeeeease review. Early Christmas present?


	4. Bad dreams

Disclaimer: I own nobody. Obviously.

Chapter 4: Bad dreams

_My love_

_I fear that Sybil is getting suspicious of our relationship. I found her snooping through my desk the other day and had almost found our letters when I walked in. I don't think she'll be speaking to me for a while, because I shouted at her, but she'll come back to me. She always does. I'll accept her apology, as always, and take her back. But don't worry. We'll still be together. I f she threatens my plans again I'll have no choice but to let her go. She wouldn't understand the bond we have. It's like we're soul mates waiting to find each other. Or, more accurately, your soul is waiting to find me. Mine's already found you, and yours just needs a little help in the right direction. Don't worry, I won't be too long. _

_Until next time_

_Severus._

Sybil watched Severus writing from his bed. He glanced over at her and she shut her eyes hurriedly , waiting until she heard the familiar scratching of his quill to open them again . She was getting worried about him. He was becoming more and more distant, and he'd been reserved to begin with. She knew that she should leave him. He wasn't the person she'd once known, but she still loved him. She'd found the letters, but only managed to read the first line before he found her. She felt the phantom sting where he'd struck her lingering like a stubborn stain. He put his quill down and she shut her eyes again, feigning sleep, and he climbed back into his bed. Before long he was sleeping again, undoubtedly dreaming about the mysterious subject of his infatuation . Sybil sat up and curled into a ball, feeling tears roll down her cheeks and onto her bare knees. Deep down she'd always known that Severus didn't love her, that it was a fantasy she'd tried relentlessly to keep alive, but now she was forced to admit it. After all, how could he love her when he spent more time writing to a person who may not even know he existed. The person he called My Love.

Lucius woke to the sound of his own scream. He sat still, breathing heavily, and stared into the darkness, searching in vain for whatever it is that spies on you as you sleep, perhaps waiting under the bed or in a corner. He tried to grasp the pieces of his nightmare before they flew away into oblivion, but the more he thought about it the harder it got. Narcissa rolled over sleepily and opened her eyes slowly.

"Lucius? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, darling." He leant over and kissed her forehead. " Just a bad dream. Go back to sleep." Just a dream. A dream about a raven haired boy he'd had the misfortune to save, and in doing so unknowingly destroyed himself.


	5. Betrayal

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except the WORLD! Mwah ha ha ha! No, really, I own very little.

NB: I love Severus Snape! He is the most amazing fictional character in the universe. Sorry, just needed to cheer myself up.

Chapter 5: Betrayal

_Lucius_

_How could you? Do you know how long I've been planning our new lives, and you just go and ruin it! I thought we were meant to be together, but when something like this happens you really have to question the real meaning of our relationship. But if you'd rather have your pretty wife and beautiful fucking son then who am I to take that away from you. Just remember though, I'm still here, waiting for you, grieving for you. I always will be, although you betrayed me, no matter if you want me or not._

_Goodbye._

_Snape._

bdbdbdbdbd

Severus felt tears pricking his eyes and bit down on his lip. _Hard. _He felt blood coating his teeth and gums and the tears were gone, buried within the intricate works of Professor Severus Snape. He thought about cutting himself for the first time in twenty years, the first time since _it _happened, but he thought of Lucius and he didn't want to anymore. Of course he didn't. That's what Lucius existed for, right? To protect him. Suddenly he needed to see Lucius, to know if he was okay. He grabbed his cloak, stopped briefly to brush his bloodied teeth, and made his way to where Lucius lived with his temporary family.

bdbdbdbdbd

Sybil waited until she was sure he'd gone before sneaking back into his room. The recollection of when he's first hit her, although it'd been about a year ago, was still fresh in her memory and she wasn't eager for a repeat. She locked the door behind her and made her way to his desk, opening the drawer he kept the letters in.

There were hundreds of them, all addressed to _My Love. _Her fear mounted within her as she read them, read of his love for his 'soul mate' and the plans he had for them both. She's expected him to be having an affair, but as she read it became apparent to her that he hadn't seen the recipient of the letters since he'd left Hogwarts. He talked of times in school and how terrible they were, how they were bearable only because he knew that one day 'they'd be together'.

As she replaced the letters her hand brushed against a photo. The back read 'The way it should have been' and was covered with small holes and dents. Her hands trembled as she turned it over to look at the picture. She gasped and dropped it onto the desk, her hand raised to her mouth.

It was the school photo from the year they'd left. Everyone's face had been disfigured with vicious stabs from Severus' quill, ink splattered over some of the faces. The only face left untouched was Lucius Malfoy. A small picture of Severus had been stuck carefully over Narcissa Black, who was standing with her head on Lucius' shoulder. She brushed it roughly back into his drawer before slamming it shut and was pacing the room, tears streaking down her face, when Severus came back.

Bdbdbdbdbd

Severus looked through the window of Lucius' living room, an uninvited stranger looking in on a world he'd never been 'normal' enough to be part of. A happy world.

The living room was full of beautiful people with elegant robes and smiling faces. Most of them were crowded around Narcissa and her sleeping baby boy. Lucius was standing in the kitchen, serving a friend a drink as he told him about his wonderful life. Severus despised them all. Why did they have a right to enjoy themselves when he had never been given that option? Lucius walked over to his wife and sat on the arm of her chair, placing an arm around her shoulders. Severus gritted his teeth together and breathed through his flared nostrils. He raised his wand, ready to end what he thought these people were too undeserving to have and what he'd so long coveted, when Lucius looked at him. He ducked and lay silently beneath the window ledge.

_No. Not like this. I'll just wait. I don't want to get arrested. It can wait._

Severus apparated back to Hogwarts.

Bdbdbdbdbd

Lucius walked to the window and peered out, his forehead pressed to the glass to see as close to the wall as possible.

"Lucius? Is everything okay?" Narcissa stood up and joined him by the window, Draco still nestled in her arms.

"Everything's fine. I thought I saw someone but it must have been a reflection on the glass. " He smiled down at his first born and sighed contently. Narcissa kissed him gently on the cheek and went back to entertaining their guests.

Bdbdbdbdbdbd

Severus took Sybil in his arms as she sobbed.

"What's wrong?" She heard the sympathy in his voice he'd learned by listening to others and then mimicked, knowing that he really felt no pity at all. He didn't care about her. Her mind raced to find an excuse for the tears she cried when he could not, and realised that she was scared of him.

"I've just had a bad day. I don't want to talk about it." He smiled down at her and she saw the relief in his eyes that he didn't need to be sympathetic as she complained. They sat on the edge of his bed and he wiped her tears away with a hand as cold as ice. She cringed as he kissed her but tried her best to act normal.

"It'll be okay. I promise." Somehow Sybil didn't think he was talking about her.

Please review. Please. That would cheer me up even more than professing my love for Snape.


	6. Pop Goes the Weasel

Disclaimer: Look at any other fic in the whole of this site and I'm sure you'll find a suitable disclaimer.

NB: Please review. J Come on, surely that smiley is cute enough to persuade you.

NNB: I'm not sure how to end this fic. I have a few ideas bouncing around inside this hollow skull, but I'm open to suggestions.

NNNB: What the feck's a cold sweat? Is it any different to a hot sweat? I was under the impression that you needed to be hot to perspire.

Chapter 6: Pop goes the weasel

_She rested her forehead on the palm of her hand, her elbow propped on the table the only thing keeping her upright. Her lank hair hung before her dappled face, her eyes red and puffy, her lips moving, soundlessly reciting a nursery rhyme she'd heard long ago. Her hand gripped desperately to the neck of the half-empty bottle into which her tears fell. She took another swig from the bottle and swore under her breath as she spilled it down her chin and onto her stained dressing gown. _

_Severus stood timidly in the shadows by the kitchen door, watching as she raked her hair back, crying fresh tears, not bothering to wipe the red liquid from her trembling mouth. He considered going back up to his room and waiting until she was sober, but his stomach protested painfully and he knew he had to go in. Besides, she was never sober these days…_

_He walked precariously into the kitchen, still standing close to the door in case he needed to make a hasty exit. _

"_Momma?" She sobbed into the arm of her dressing gown, her hand still viciously clutching the liquor she was practically dependent on. Severus took a step forward, encouraged by her silence. "Momma?" She groaned and pushed herself up on her elbow. _

"_What?" Severus gulped but made himself stay where he was standing. _

"_I'm sorry, Momma. It's just, if there's anything to eat, I'm hun…" He flinched backwards and scuttled back into the doorway as she bottle shattered against the wall behind him, showering him in alcohol and broken glass. He stumbled back into the living room and cowered against the wall, biting his lip to hold back the tears. From the kitchen he heard his momma's drunken voice singing a nursery rhyme. It was slurred and agonisingly slow, as if her brain wasn't working fast enough. _

"_Round and round…the mulberry…bush…the monkey chased…the weasel." Severus clapped his hands over his ears and screwed his eyes shut, trying to block out his momma's lingering, garbled parody. _

_Suddenly she stopped, and Severus cautiously peeled his small hands away from the side of his head._

"_Severus? Sev? Come here, honey." He got to his feet and walked to the door, lingering just beyond the kitchen. The red wine dripped lethargically from the wall, forming a puddle on the floor. His momma smiled at him from the table, a goofy, lopsided smile, but a smile non-the-less. "Come here." He stepped into the kitchen and stood by the table, his head barely reaching the top. _

_Suddenly she was kneeling in front of him, her nails biting into the tender flesh of his upper arms. He gasped involuntarily and tried to shy away from her, but she pulled him closer. The spilled wine was still there, a crooked red river running across her chin, staining it. _

"_Listen to me! Don't make the same mistakes I did, honey. You find someone you love and you hold onto them, ok? Don't…ever…let them go. I let your Daddy get away, and that was the worst thing I ever did. " Severus nodded violently, recoiling slightly from the stench of booze in his Momma's breath. She smiled and nodded back, then let go of his arms. She curled into a ball on the floor, unaware of the glass still littered there, and started singing again, laughing quietly to herself. _

_888_

Severus woke up in a cold (AN: Or hot) sweat, and struggled to breathe. He threw back the covers and wandered over to the window. He expected the details of his dream to steadily slip away, as is the case with most dreams, but when they didn't it hit him that it wasn't just a dream. It was a memory. Once he'd realised that he was appalled that he'd ever forgotten that night. That was the night his Mother had cried. That was the night she'd told him the most important thing he'd ever learned.

As he sat down to write another letter to Lucius, his one and only love, the words of his Mother resounded solidly in his head. _You find someone you love and you hold onto them. _It seemed to escape his attention that his Mother had been a hopeless alcoholic (not in the public eye of coarse, when she was the vision of perfection) and that the man she spent her whole life pining after had beat her senseless for the most part of their seven year marriage. The only thing that mattered was that she'd been his Momma, and everything she said was true. Must be.

Severus smiled to himself as the last details of his plan slipped into place, and he started to write the last letter he would write to 'My Love'.

"Round and round…the Mulberry…bush…"

888

Sybil opened her eyes just before Severus began to write and saw him sitting with a determination that hadn't been there a few hours ago, when he'd fallen asleep with his back to her. It scared her. She was worried about what he'd do to her if he found out that she'd read his intimate, unsent letters, but she was terrified of what he might do to Narcissa. Or Draco.

"Sev." Severus jumped, and turned towards her with a pained smile. "Please don't do anything stupid." His forced smile slipped from his lips.

"What do you mean?" He stood up and walked over to his bed and stood by the side, looming over her. Suddenly she realised that she was in just as much danger as the Malfoy's. "Have you done something you shouldn't have?" For the first time she could remember, Severus met her frightened gaze, and she found it impossible to look away. His black eyes looked almost red in their anger and she saw his fierce intelligence reading her thoughts as she stared helplessly into those beautiful eyes. She drew her knees up and pulled the covers to her chin.

"You've been reading Lucius' letters, haven't you? You shouldn't have done that. It's none of your business."

"Severus, please. You need help! You haven't even…"

"I DON'T NEED HELP! There is nothing wrong with me! I knew you wouldn't understand! You're just jealous because I'd rather have him than YOU!" Sybil started to edge her way slowly to the other side of the bed, but stopped when she felt his eyes boring into hers.

"Severus, he doesn't even remember you! There's no such thing as soul mates…" She gasped as she felt the cold, hard metal slide through her ribcage, ripping through the intercostals muscle with chilling ease. Severus finally broke his intense gaze and she stared down at her torso, watching the blood spread over her body and staining her skin. She looked up again to see the knife plummeting down towards her again. She tried to scream but couldn't breathe for the tear in her lung. She raised her arms to her head as the knife ripped through her flesh again and again. The now empty eyes of the man she'd loved were the last things she saw, as the blood leaked from her body and the air refused to come.

888

_My love_

_I've done a bad thing. I don't want to tell you, but you'll find out. I just want you to know that I did it for us. She couldn't understand. I told you she wouldn't. Narcissa won't understand either, but I'll take care of her. I can't stay here for much longer, a week at the most, but we can emigrate. It'll be amazing. We can get our own little cabin on the beach, and go for walks in the sunset, watching the waves lap back and forth. It'll be perfect. I'm coming for you soon, we'll sever all ties to this life and we'll be gone, just like that. We can make up for the miserable time we've had in this life. _

_I'll see you soon._

_Severus._

Severus finished writing his letter and placed it in the drawer with the rest. He checked the clock and ran a comb through his hair, before locking the door and preparing for his lesson with the second years.

888

Severus drew the knife across his arm again, smiling as he saw the blood well up in the slit and pour out, slowly at first, then getting quicker. He heard it splatter on the desk under him and moved Lucius' letters aside, feeling guilty that just the thought of him hadn't been adequate this time. But no worry, he'd see him soon enough. He watched the blood flow along the thin lines in his hand and the gaps between his fingers with a look of macabre fascination on his delicate features.

He heard Dumbledore shout at a child just outside the door and sighed. He thought he could last a week, but Sybil had been dead barely three days, her corpse partially decomposed. He stepped out of his chair and hovered in the corner of the room, the darkness creating a perfect cover, hiding him as effectively as it had done his entire life. His eyes glazed over and his grip tightened on his knife as he waited quietly for Dumbledore to discover what he'd done.

"Pop goes the weasel…"

AN: I've just realised that in chapter one I said 'the rest of his life' then killed Dumbledore about 100 words later. I'm sorry but I can't be bothered to go back and change it now.

AN: I can't decide which Malfoy family members( Narcissa, Lucius, Draco) I want to kill off. Who do you think deserves to live?


	7. We'll be together soon, my love

Disclaimer-I own nothing but the plot.

Chapter 7: We'll be together soon, my love

In the hall was a family portrait; mummy, daddy and baby. Lucius smiled subtly, his hair brushing against his shoulders and his arm around Narcissa. Her hair had been pinned back, away from her pale face, red lips, vivid eyes, and Draco lay nestled in her arms. A perfect nuclear family.

Severus' lip curled in disgust and hatred at the sight of Lucius' beautiful wife. Why must she take him away? Why couldn't she find someone else to contaminate? He raised his arm, bringing the knife down onto the canvas, slicing Narcissa's pretty, smiling face neatly in half, and remembered.

bdbdbd

_The blood continued to drip from his arm, but this time the pain wouldn't go away. He stared at it pooling in his lap and wished for the millionth time that he was dead. And why shouldn't he be? It was his life, why couldn't he do the only thing likely to make him happy and end it? Severus jumped up with a speed which caused him to rock precariously on his feet and smiled as he hurried out of the room. _

_Lucius approached the door nervously, looking around for any sign of anyone else. He was concerned about Severus, but nobody else need know that. He knocked on the door which hid Severus every minute he wasn't at lessons, but no one answered. He knocked again, louder, but again nothing. Worry nagged at his stomach and h tapped his fingers tensely against his leg. Finally unease overcame his sense of propriety and he entered Severus' room, closing the door quietly behind him._

"_Snape? Severus?" The silence in the room was broken only by his own footsteps on the hard floor. He stopped and cocked his head to the side, listening for something, anything, to ease his growing trepidation. Finally he head a slow, formidable creaking sound. He followed it into Severus' study and stopped dead in the doorway, his hands raised to his mouth in a silent scream._

_Severus woke up in the Hospital Wing. He had a dull recollection of an arm around his legs and a weightless feeling as the rope above him was cut. His eyes fluttered open and his hand moved casually to his neck. He could feel the deep cut there starting to heal. _

"_Madame Pomfrey!" Severus was shocked to see the pale, blond boy sitting at his bedside, his eyes wide and dark. "Madame Pomfrey!" She came waddling out of her office with a look of alarm on her haggard face, but it quickly turned to relief._

"_Oh, thank Merlin, he's awake. By the way you were shouting I thought…" She stopped suddenly as she realised that Lucius was no longer there, and turned around in time to see his black cloak flutter past the door. _

_Severus fell asleep that night comforted by the thought that somebody cared for him. In the depth of his sleep, he heard a gentle voice in the darkness, consoling him that it would be alright._

_Bdbdbd_

He found Narcissa sleeping on a sofa in the living room, holding a baby monitor in one slender hand. Her golden hair fanned out under her head and onto her emerald dress. Her pale face was slightly flushed and her full lips parted slightly. She woke up as he entered the room, her eyelids wavering delicately. Her eyes widened in shock as she saw him standing by the door and stood up, scanning the room for any sign of her wand.

"Who are you? What the hell are you doing in my house." Severus stepped forward and he saw the first sign of fear flash in her blue eyes. "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!" She stumbled backwards as he revealed the knife from behind his back, a slight smile playing at his lips. "Please. Please don't hurt me."

As Narcissa screamed a weak wailing came from the monitor in her hand, and then stopped as it fell to the ground and shattered, it's plastic shards eventually disappearing under a crimson sheet of blood.

NB- I've become a bit bored with this, so if nobody objects I don't think I'll finish it.


	8. Hush Little Baby

Disclaimer: The characters portrayed in this fic are the property of J. K. Rowling. Credit for the chapter title goes to meep meep.

Chapter 8: Hush little baby

Lucius hurtled up the stairs. There was blood in the parlour, the entrance hall, on the banister. He was terrified, but his baby was crying.

There was a man with sallow skin and lank hair at the top of the stairs. He held a knife limply by his side and a wand in the other hand. It took all of Lucius' strength not to kill him where he stood. The man turned and smiled at Lucius, as if welcoming an old friend, but his smile faltered at the distressed look on Lucius' face.

"What's wrong?"

"What have you done? What have you done to my wife?" The man grimaced with disgust.

"You know, I don't understand you. I thought I did, but every time I try to work things out between us you get closer to that bitch." Lucius watched the man. He recognized him, but from where he couldn't say. He saw the uptight pose, the defeated slump of his shoulders, the haunted eyes, too dark to see anything in but his own reflection.

"Severus." His voice was a mere whisper.

"You could've had me when we were still at school, but you choose _her. _I try so hard to fit I with your type of people, but once again, I can't compete with_ her, _can I? And now you're trapped here, looking after_ her_ child." Lucius suddenly remembered why he'd raced up the stairs and a look of panic crossed his face. Severus smiled slightly. "Where is he?"

"No. Leave my son alone. I won't tell the police about Narcissa, I promise. But please don't hurt my baby."

"Oh, honey, you still don't know, do you? I love you, and I'm sure that you'll love me." Severus advanced towards Lucius slowly, raising his hand to caress his cheek. Lucius flinched away, his mind racing as realisation that Severus was insane dawned on him. Severus drew the knife tenderly down Lucius' side. "But first, her child needs to die."

Lucius didn't think as he ran towards Draco, his piercing wails echoing in his ears. Severus followed, his cloak billowing behind him, his shoes leaving red footprints on the marble floor. Lucius stumbled into Draco's nursery, scooping the crying child into his arms and clutching him desperately to his chest. The last thing he heard before the distinctive 'pop' as he apparated was the squeaking of Severus shoes as he skidded to a halt at the nursery door.

Severus looked into the empty crib and stabbed at the pale yellow sheets, screaming until his throat hurt and his voice stopped sounding.


	9. The Matter of Happiness

Chapter 9: The Matter of Happiness

Lucius lay curled on a bed in the Lestrange's house, his eyes screwed shut against the blazing sunlight. He hadn't shaved or changed clothes since arriving at the house six days beforehand, nor had he moved, other than to receive food he ate little of.

The Ministry had tried to talk to him, but Rodolphus had gotten rid of them, promising that Lucius wasn't going anywhere and that they could continue their enquiries at a later date. Malfoy Manor was a murder scene, but Lucius didn't care. He didn't want to see the house, he didn't want to go back there, he would never live there again. At the moment, he didn't want to live at all.

Nobody had seen Severus since Lucius apparated from his home, although all the Aurors the Ministry could expend were searching for him. He was wanted for three counts of murder, and one for attempted murder.

Rodolphus knocked tentatively at the bedroom door before stepping into the room.

"Lucius?"

"Go away." He stood by the side of the bed uncomfortably, wondering whether he should just leave him to grieve.

"Lucius, I know how difficult this must be for you, but you have to carry on with your life."

"You don't know anything."

"I know what it's like to lose someone." Lucius sat up and glared at Rodolphus, his pale skin blotchy from the tears which had leaked lethargically from his eyes since it hit him that she wasn't coming back.

"You don't! You don't know what it's like to love someone as much as I loved her. You couldn't possibly!" His anger dissipated at quickly as it had arrived and he clung to Rodolphus' robes, crying into his stomach. "Why did she have to die? I loved her!" Rodolphus knew that caring about someone could never defeat the inevitability of death, but how could he explain that to Lucius, who'd lost his wife and the mother of his child because of someone he'd barely known at school?

"Draco needs you." Bellatrix stepped from the doorway, Draco sleeping unknowingly in her arms. Lucius let go of Rodolphus and sat back on the bed, wiping away the tears on his cheeks. "Your child needs you."

"Give me my son." He held his arms out towards Bellatrix, who glanced apprehensively at her husband. "Now, Bella." She handed Draco over to him and tugged at Rodolphus' sleeve, signalling for them to leave the room.

Lucius looked at his sleeping baby and held him as close as possible, determined not to lose him as he had Narcissa.

'' '' ''

Despite disapproval from everyone else-his friends, his family, the Ministry- Lucius joined the search for Severus. That was how he came to be on the roof with Severus when he decided, once again, to end his life.

Not only did Lucius want him to jump, but he wanted to be the one to push him. He hated Severus more than he would ever have thought possible. Just looking at him sickened him, had done since they'd first met. He'd been disgusted by his greasy appearance, his snide comments, the thoughts he'd kept hidden but which were undoubtedly ugly.

But he'd helped create him. Everyone who'd ever ignored him or called him names, who'd spread the rumours or beaten him up, who'd believed everything they were told about him because he was _different_, had helped mould him. Although he hadn't been the one to hold the knife, he felt just as much to blame for Narcissa's death.

Just like in school, when he'd found the boy hanging from the rafters, he couldn't allow himself to let him die. It wasn't that he wanted him to live, or that he felt he deserved to, but he couldn't bear the thought of the guilt or responsibility he'd feel. He would not let his son be brought up by a man who'd kill someone he'd helped damage.

"Don't jump." Severus glanced over his shoulder.

"I don't want to hurt anyone else."

"You don't have to!"

"I can't help it! I know I'm crazy, Lucius. But what scares me is that I don't _always_ know." Lucius started to move towards him, slowly.

"You can get help." He took another step forward.

"I'm beyond help. I'm too messed up." He tapped his head with two fingers. Another step forward. His voice started to crack. "I can't hurt anymore. I hate everything. Everyone. It's consuming me." Only a few steps away. Severus turned slightly so he could see Lucius. "Tell me something."

"What?" He swallowed. Severus whispered.

"What's it like to be happy?" He stopped. To that he had no answer. He'd never thought about happiness, what it meant to him, how it felt. He'd never had to. For people like him, happiness was a right never denied to them. Until Severus reappeared, Lucius had never had to consider what it would be like to be unhappy.

A tear fell from the corner of Severus eye and rolled down his cheek. He looked slightly startled, put his fingers to his cheek and looked at the water caught at the tips of them. He smiled and laughed soundlessly, before turning and throwing himself over the edge.

"No!" Lucius jolted forward a few steps and reached towards Severus. Severus felt a soothing, weightless feeling, wind against his closed eyelids, and fingers brushing against the back of his robes.


	10. Epilogue

Epilogue

Severus walks along the beach with Lucius and finally knows what happiness feels like. It feels like warm sand under your toes and robes blowing gently around your ankles, like the wind on your face and slender fingers entwined in your own. As the sun sets and the air grows cold, Lucius wraps his arm around Severus shoulders and he leans into him, savouring the feeling of human contact.

"Mr Snape?" The voice pervades his subconscious, reaching his ears like an echo. He hears curtains being drawn back and sunlight pierces his eyelids, making him throw an arm over his eyes. He blinks several times before half-opening them, allowing his pupils to adjust to the light.

"Mr Snape? It's time for your medication." The nurse hands Severus a small paper cup filled with half a dozen brightly coloured pills, which he eyes suspiciously before, once again, asking what they do. He patiently replies that they are for his own good. As Severus swallows the pills he feels himself floating further and further away from his mind, losing all coherent thought. He quietly thanks the nurse, who then leaves the room, locking the heavy steel door behind him and disappearing down the corridor of D-wing, Bramble Close Mental Institution, where therapy is a useless formality and screams resound through the building every hour of the day and night.

Nobody here will ever see the outside world again.

Severus turns from the barred widow onto his back, his hands behind his head. He stares up at the wall; and Lucius Malfoy stares back. From every angle the pictures looked down on Severus; still, moving, colour, sepia, full length portraits, passport photos. There are images of Lucius at all different stages of his life, all different moods, all different ages. Blond hair spills over his shoulders and blue eyes stab into Severus' black ones. The only reason he is allowed to keep his shrine is that he is never getting out. He isn't going to be cured.

Severus sighs contentedly and lies staring at the ceiling, listening to the whirring nothingness inside his ruined mind.


End file.
